puzzled

from yesterday I feel so puzzled  .u know when y have to choose between two things  and the problem is that if u choose any of them u must lie 

for sure every thing have a double weapons edges in the same time 

the issue is that when u make compare between them ,it became so hard 

I can not sleep from yesterday  because of that and also  I feel that my mind will burn from thinking  .what ?can I do 

I feel comfortable for one of them bur it is so dangerous and so tired  and also I will lie If I choose that 

so I decided to talk to any one I can trust on to share me in opinion 

I look for that between the wisdom persons who I know .I find that some I can not talk to because I know his opinion from the first  and he will live the  role   

another  will look for their self interest 

another will say what u are seeing do without hesitation as they make me puzzled became over 

on the other hand  I can not talk to any one in my home  because they are in side and I in another side  not in the same line of our mind 

I decide to talk to my uncle  I do not know If he can understand me or not and what can I do if he not  

and also what he will make as usual  of what he do 

what is yr advice for me now

be uncomfortable

u feel before that u are uncomfortable and tried to change that 

(I feel that today (as usually

when u do not really want to be anger and come someone and intended to make u anger 

In fact I don't  know if he intended to do that or not but he do that any way  

 I don't know why he be anger If I do something  before him or if I donot tell him first   as I should told   everyone about every things before i do  why

and why he intended to made me hear his opinion and do it without any discussion  .in the same time he do not do that   with me 

  some of them I do not care and some in the same line with my mind 

why I have to be like the others .I feel  so happy when I  do strange  and different things  

I do not care about others .what they say ,do   and their behavior  

but my sister asked me so much  about that   and  insist  about that  

offffffffffffffffffff I can not stand that any more
I only need to speak when I want not when the others want  is it my right
and also whit the person I want to speak to
where is the issue I do not know
it is possible to speak to the person who i want and  when i want to do that
there is something also :there are somethings which I do not care and the other care about that and say that to me so I show care with them to not feel anger from me and then they talk as I am care about that with the others
I mean that they want to say something to someone so say it as I am want to say that and I am shy to speak and say what I want but I exploded and do not want to speak
also I hate that any one to impose his control on me any right and also without any clearness of that situation 
so far so good  

visits

start from where .what about flash back 

???lets  start

Elfayom

       Avery wonderful place full of desert not normal but with sand dunes and windy 

(first we went to archaeological  sites so all of my friends heated me (windy

(then we went to the beach (my love &saved       

(spent good time on restaurant  and then took a boat in the Naser lake (we were the first

(then we went to swinging  and there I recognize  to one of my friends (Ahmed Faty

Luxor and Aswan

the scened  time to go Iwent with two of my friends and Ahmed Fathy  who did mold on me in Ramsis train station  

I didn't  meet him there and after the train move he called me and said "I miss the train will catch u in Giza station  pls tell the responsible " after that I found he was in the train in another car 

when we reached boy were in a place  and girls in another and a different program .It didnot matter for me
I decided to take rest then start  we went to the museum of mummy :it is so so wonderful
before finishing that ,Ahmed called me "I am in the museum I want to see you "ok no problem  then he left his group and attached  us and decided to make a privet  tour we went to market and bought some souvenir  and accessories then went back to hotel
In the scened  day we waked up early to start our day suddenly Ahmed called me "I am seeing u ,can I join to u " no I am with my group  ok
after two hours 

hope

my only hope today is to spend one day with my friends without any control ,fear and any thing disturbance me 

play  move smile enjoy eat and  have all fun 

no time , no place no people speech  and also no order from any one and u are girl . u should ......... do and do not 

I hope to feel free as usual because when I need that I don't find that so why now u want to control me 

that is why I refuse all speech from this people 

???so what can I do

I want to live in peace with all people and free . I can control myself in every things without any control because it is tooooo late 

I only want to have the same right of others in the same period not more.is it my right

???????????

F G F

the best of the best days for me 

in this days I don't have just a minute to breath  I was so busy but also so happy .because I began to know new friends  in a different way all of us have to deal with each other and help each other in our work also share every things (Rehalsil   ,eating , study play and scream also

I have a very good memory with that and made most of my current friends  

I was the biggest in control in every things :clothes, color how to speak,to move and when

I remember that one of my friends was so a fried because he didnot wear the tie I choose and show me another one  so I kick him as usual

in the exit presentation we are so wonderful all cannot believe our unit (the smallest and unorganized team )(

after that day we go to the zoo and spend all the day there and take alot of photo there

really it was a very wonderful days 

I hope to return again but it is unuseful to cry the spoil milk     

these days

from time to time I feel confused 

the main problem is I Am right or not and also where I am going?

who I can deal with people in good way

who I Can talk to ?????????????????

and who I  Can not????????????

who I can trust and who are not???

every one asked me to trust in him but the problem is that I trusted in people before and it was a big problem because they sell me in the first step special my best& nearest friends

   so when i meet new people , I have suspicion to trust in them and they insist to know things before I want to tell them

  Nowadays as usual I don't know  If I continue what I start before or not

and what will happen if I continue or if I start in anew things and leave the old things hang

Can I say the Truth without any fear???????

and any one in the world can do that 

I don't think so 

and u think  what

searching job

after a lot of speech about this I find 

every one of us look for certain job 

) he will not find it at all

through my last two job and my current job 

may be good at the beginning but passing time it is also so boring 

every things in life has a double face 

advantages and disadvantages )the first job (no money,no equal in opportunity   , unknown manager

the only advantages is the friends

  the scened job was so good as all see money near from home good manager good treat  so  spoiled 

but the problem is to be in the place u want or need(was abig problem for me only)

the current job is..........................

sooooooo far from home no suitable money and some thing else

?you know what it is 

I can not say that know but through  days I can say

?the advantages of it till know I love it