pressure

I do not know why I am like that ??????????

Any one in  this situation have to be happy ,but me not 

May be because of stress "Iam under stress" or the way itself .I do not know

But all around me say the same thing ,as I am from another planet 

This stress made  me in bad mood and shape .I want to change that but i cant 

Many times before and till now I am trying to get out of the box
as Dail Cairany said 

some times I feel that i can handle that ,but most of time I can not
what can i do with the comfort zone 
o
how can i separate between my family and other people behavior . not affect any one
to other person 
i am so tired ,under alot of pressure and in the same time i have to deal with people
in good way 
may people leave me 
pressure     

Right or not

u face that before to be so puzzled & do not know if u r right or not .when u do wrong behave and do not know how to treat it .also is that false from the beginning  or not 

when u do some thing  and after lot of  talking  ,u convert 360 grade  .After that  u also do not feel that u r right .Really I am not depressed person as some think but I change my feeling may be in a minute  . also I sometimes feel anger from someone and i do not say that even though If I were asked about that 

also when I want to tell someone  about that I asked for that one time only even though I were asked about that again because I do not feel trust in him again  anyway 

today I feel bad about a wrong  behavior I did so I decided to prologize  about that and i did but  i still feel bad about that 

now I feel so anger from myself  because of what I am doing .I do not know where I can go &talk to whom  a lot of things  runing in my mind  and i do not know where i am going 

enough for today . I have to go now 

I will complete tomorrow

what is the issue

really i do not know what is the issue 

u feel before that nothing at all .u do not know if u r happy or sad ,u love this person or not  and also the others 

really nothing at all

begin from where 

first say at home :all of them have the right to do what he want but me no no no
my two sister are marry but their husbands are travelling so they stay with us (go&come(when they were in my age  they did things  that they prevent me now to do and also the behavior
after marry a  lot  of things changed to them and theire point of view
I just have wanted to have the same right of them before marry .is it my right?? 
second say with friends:from time to time u have new friends and on the other side u lost old friends that what i have not accepted   .i want to see them and call them
from few days i feel i miss my faculty  friends so i call one of them .i were shocked "she cancel my number  and have more time to know " .the issue is that  here speach were not fell me that she also miss our days
so i called another friend who i trust in his mind ,point of view  and his hopes$willing  .i also shocked "i found him left his work to non certain aim  then went to another that is not good  ,depressed  and want to travel
last try ok i will arrange some hours to meet my friends from last job "they are near to place and time " i arranged with one and the others i  can not reach to them so cancel every thing
Third say in work: i do not know exactly what i can say but
in my first job   i have known  people who i do not love  but i have to  deal with them .Here the problem is that I have  been repeated  the person on my life  and also i   understood that late  
in  new job I can not collect all of my  point of view  about them
so waiting for completing that later

puzzled

from yesterday I feel so puzzled  .u know when y have to choose between two things  and the problem is that if u choose any of them u must lie 

for sure every thing have a double weapons edges in the same time 

the issue is that when u make compare between them ,it became so hard 

I can not sleep from yesterday  because of that and also  I feel that my mind will burn from thinking  .what ?can I do 

I feel comfortable for one of them bur it is so dangerous and so tired  and also I will lie If I choose that 

so I decided to talk to any one I can trust on to share me in opinion 

I look for that between the wisdom persons who I know .I find that some I can not talk to because I know his opinion from the first  and he will live the  role   

another  will look for their self interest 

another will say what u are seeing do without hesitation as they make me puzzled became over 

on the other hand  I can not talk to any one in my home  because they are in side and I in another side  not in the same line of our mind 

I decide to talk to my uncle  I do not know If he can understand me or not and what can I do if he not  

and also what he will make as usual  of what he do 

what is yr advice for me now

be uncomfortable

u feel before that u are uncomfortable and tried to change that 

(I feel that today (as usually

when u do not really want to be anger and come someone and intended to make u anger 

In fact I don't  know if he intended to do that or not but he do that any way  

 I don't know why he be anger If I do something  before him or if I donot tell him first   as I should told   everyone about every things before i do  why

and why he intended to made me hear his opinion and do it without any discussion  .in the same time he do not do that   with me 

  some of them I do not care and some in the same line with my mind 

why I have to be like the others .I feel  so happy when I  do strange  and different things  

I do not care about others .what they say ,do   and their behavior  

but my sister asked me so much  about that   and  insist  about that  

offffffffffffffffffff I can not stand that any more
I only need to speak when I want not when the others want  is it my right
and also whit the person I want to speak to
where is the issue I do not know
it is possible to speak to the person who i want and  when i want to do that
there is something also :there are somethings which I do not care and the other care about that and say that to me so I show care with them to not feel anger from me and then they talk as I am care about that with the others
I mean that they want to say something to someone so say it as I am want to say that and I am shy to speak and say what I want but I exploded and do not want to speak
also I hate that any one to impose his control on me any right and also without any clearness of that situation 
so far so good  

visits

start from where .what about flash back 

???lets  start

Elfayom

       Avery wonderful place full of desert not normal but with sand dunes and windy 

(first we went to archaeological  sites so all of my friends heated me (windy

(then we went to the beach (my love &saved       

(spent good time on restaurant  and then took a boat in the Naser lake (we were the first

(then we went to swinging  and there I recognize  to one of my friends (Ahmed Faty

Luxor and Aswan

the scened  time to go Iwent with two of my friends and Ahmed Fathy  who did mold on me in Ramsis train station  

I didn't  meet him there and after the train move he called me and said "I miss the train will catch u in Giza station  pls tell the responsible " after that I found he was in the train in another car 

when we reached boy were in a place  and girls in another and a different program .It didnot matter for me
I decided to take rest then start  we went to the museum of mummy :it is so so wonderful
before finishing that ,Ahmed called me "I am in the museum I want to see you "ok no problem  then he left his group and attached  us and decided to make a privet  tour we went to market and bought some souvenir  and accessories then went back to hotel
In the scened  day we waked up early to start our day suddenly Ahmed called me "I am seeing u ,can I join to u " no I am with my group  ok
after two hours 

hope

my only hope today is to spend one day with my friends without any control ,fear and any thing disturbance me 

play  move smile enjoy eat and  have all fun 

no time , no place no people speech  and also no order from any one and u are girl . u should ......... do and do not 

I hope to feel free as usual because when I need that I don't find that so why now u want to control me 

that is why I refuse all speech from this people 

???so what can I do

I want to live in peace with all people and free . I can control myself in every things without any control because it is tooooo late 

I only want to have the same right of others in the same period not more.is it my right

???????????